I believe I first encountered this term a couple of years ago through the social media post of a friend. The article, at the time, put into perspective what I was often thinking and wondering to myself. So many people, myself included, have gone (or are going) through some heavy stuff. Rather than embracing the difficulty, the American way is to diminish the difficulty in any way possible. We say things like, "at least it isn't (insert term here)" or, "everything happens for a reason." Are those things helpful?
We are a make it go away society. We want to be able to put our heads in the sand and believe that everything above ground is sunshine and roses. Unfortunately, that just isn't the case. In my experience, those places with the most toxic positivity are truly just the most toxic in general.
Sadly, social media hasn't been too helpful with this cultural problem. Posts are full of the most positive parts of our days, putting a positive spin on a terrible situation, or just flat out lying about current conditions to make it seem that all is right in our lives or the world. Why do we do this? Why do we feel it is important that everyone believe that we have it all together and that everything is sunshine and roses?
I can't even begin to recount all the unhelpful things that have been said to me over the years. In an effort not to embarrass my friends and family, I won't attempt to account for all of them either. I started to write this post back in February of this year. It was less than 2 months after Elise passed away and I was pretty tired of the everything has to be positive mentality. But, I never finished or published a post.
Now, several months later, I don't feel any differently about the post, but I might take a slightly different slant to presenting it. Maybe you haven't gone through what I have gone through (and I hope you haven't!), but that doesn't mean there aren't some heavy things going on in your life. It doesn't just have to be when someone significant in your life leaves or passes away. It could be dropping off your baby for the first time at daycare, school or college. Those can all be proud days, but also profoundly difficult. Why do we have to act like they are not?
Over the past several years, I have truly been trying to work on just meeting people where they are. When they are happy, I am happy for them. When they are struggling, I try and listen and not solve it. When they are hurting I hurt for them as well. It really isn't THAT hard, but it has to be intentional. Let's stop with the Toxic Positivity and learn to meet people where they are. That is my hope for all of you and our society as a whole.
