Blessed to be a blessing?

 I think in every lesson there’s a blessing, and there’s so many blessings from all the lessons I’ve had to go through in life. – Alonzo Mourning

I have been giving considerable thought to something that many people have said to me over the years. People frequently say things such as, "Elise is blessed to have you as her parents." or "I/we have learned so much from watching your journey over the years." Honestly, that sentiment sometimes makes me bitter. In those bitter days, my first thoughts are that I didn't sign up to be an example for everyone else. To think that Elise has to go through all that she does in life so that others can have an example is not something I like to consider. I get that this is not the intent, but that doesn't stop my mind from going there.

When I woke up this morning, the first thought on my mind was the old adage "You are blessed to be a blessing". Yeah, I don't feel so blessed today! So, rather than being grouchy about it, I have been trying to dig a little into that sentiment this morning. I have sat in on many Sunday morning sermons about how we are blessed by God to bless others. Some days that resonates well with me and some days it does not. I suppose that is just like any lesson that we have to learn in life.

Over the years I have learned to appreciate those blessings more often. As many might remember, Elise spent several years with relatively little facial expression and was always hard to read. But, a medicine change a while back brought back her million dollar smile that we all cherish every day. I am reminded by the blessing that is her life every time she flashes that smile in my direction. And, unlike most of us, she smiles through almost everything that is going on in life. She is a constant beacon of hope and perseverance.

As I look back at how much my own life has changed over the past 10+ years, I can see what a blessing Elise's journey has been for so many aspects of my life. But, it begs to question, wasn't there a better way to learn this lesson? We'll explore that in a future blog topic I suppose. I never considered that I would one day have a child with cancer or an uncontrollable seizure disorder, but here I am. I don't generally wake up thinking about being a blessing to others. Most days I wake up just hoping to put one foot in front of the other and end the day in a little better place than where I began.

One thing that occurred to me this morning is that we all like to be a blessing to others when we are purposefully providing them something that we believe will be helpful. Maybe this is a meal, babysitting service, taking a friend on an outing, or just sitting with them and listening to what is going on in their life. Doing those things generally make all of us feel pretty good about ourselves. But, are we doing this to think about blessing them or to make ourselves feel better for "doing something"? I can certainly say for myself that it is too often about feeling that I am "doing something" for the other person. It is about me and not them. I certainly don't think that is what those Sunday morning sermons were trying to drive home.

So, as I think about my bitterness mentioned above, I guess it is really about not feeling like I have gotten something out of being a blessing to others. This is obvious area that I need to work on. It is an interesting conundrum that I find myself in. I am quick to point out that someone should re-frame how they are thinking about something and try to see the benefit in the circumstance. But, I am slow to do this personally. I can see the multitudes of people that our family has come in contact with over the years due to Elise's journey. So many of those people have blessed my life (and our lives) in so many ways. As I have processed through this all this morning, I have come to the conclusion that I AM blessed to be a blessing to others. And I am so thankful to be blessed by so many as well.